Harry Potter And The Nine To Five
by TheBunnysHoney
Summary: What happens when Harry Potter completely denounces his status as the chosen one? Will he manage to escape the plot and get a quiet job as an acounttant for a normal bank?


Authors Introduction

You may not want to read this if you cant take a joke. This is Harry Potter fanfic written within the canon of the movie "Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince" with some added twists and turns to make it all the more amusing. Anything that refers to the Potter universe refers to it within the movies. The idea is simple. What if Harry just said. NO! No more! ? The story begins just after Dumbledore was supposed to drop Harry off at The Burrow

Chapter 1

Harry ran through the dimly lit streets of Little Whinging by night, his heart pounding as never before. Down the main street past the houses that all looked alike, the same facades, the same hedges cut the same way as always. He smiled to himself, the monotony was what he had longed for ever since his first year on Hogwarts. Trolls, dementors, werewolves ghosts and friggin dragons had never been his cup of tea, and now that everybody had already decided that he was the one who had to face Voldemort, he kind of felt like returning to Hogwarts was a pretty bad idea. "Harry Harry Harry" a familiar voice yelled somewhere behind him, he turned a sharp corner and jumped into cover behind one of the hedges. "Hermione! Damn!" he thought to himself. "Harry stop playing around" she yelled. He closed his eyes and tried to be as small as he possibly could, a spell would have been handy but Harry had spent his five years at Hogwarts doing everything but study. "Goddamn Quidditch, trolls, ghost, goddamn insane school" he mumbled to himself, then covering his mouth when he realized that he was vocalizing his thoughts. "Arh there you are Harry" she said. The voice came from behind the hedge. "Come on now Harry don't be silly we need to get ready for... well you know what" she suddenly changed her tone mid-sentence. Harry now realized that Mr. Smith, in whose front garden he had taken cover, was looking at him, dressed in a pyjamas and slippers. "What in the heavens are you doing in my garden young man" Harry tried to think of something to say but was cut off "We were playing hide and seek" Hermione said. Mr. Smith looked at Harry then shook his head "Your that Potter boy aren't you..." he scratched his chin, "never liked you, now get the heck out of my bushes!" Harry stood up straight and backed out the garden while apologizing to Mr. Smith, who slammed the door not caring for his apologies. "Why were you running Harry?" Hermione said in her always perky yet judgmental voice. "I... I was ehm.. playing around" he said cautiously. "Well why didn't you bring your invisibility cloak ?" Harry realized this and replied "Uhm.. yeah... that would have been good" Hermione giggled and put her arms around Harry. "I've missed you and Ron all summer, can't wait to get back to Hogwarts" "Oh yeah.. cant wait..." Harry mumbled sarcastic. "Did you by any chance?" he said "cast a spell to make you reveal your hiding place?" "Yes, did you?" "No you did that all by yourself" The two walked off into the night. "Ron's father is here in the car" she said. Harry remembered all to well how he and Ron had taken the flying car to Hogwarts once, and how they ended up being slapped something silly by the living tree. Oh yes Harry couldn't wait to return to Hogwarts.

The street lights of suburbia England shone their gentle light up at the rain clouds that were here for the 360 days of English rain season. The Fort Anglia purred like a kitten with a bad cough, as it flew fast forward above the grey dull skies. Harry looked down and watched the safety of everyday life in the shade slip away from him. He wondered what it would be like to have to get up in the morning to go to a school and learn about Agincourt, Mathematics and actual physics instead of how to better enchant your mirror, and all manners of weird potions. But then again seeing as he had wasted five years on this magic, he would be horribly far behind his classmates if he ever went to a normal school. "Where are we going?" Harry said to Mr. Weasley who was more interested in his latest purchase, two plush dices that hung from the rearview mirror, than he was in driving. "See the muggles use these to show their style to other travelers of the roads, its a status thing I guess" Harry yawned and tried once more to get the attention of the others. "Oh yes Harry, were going to our house" he replied. He turned around and look Harry in the eye "Molly has the whole house in an uproar with all her baking and such" Harry smiled nervously, food would be good and at this point he wouldn't mind much if the food was magical, as long as it was food. "Dumbledore said you had some business so that you wouldn't be coming with us to The Burrow tonight, and clearly you can realize how upset Molly was so to hear this so I darn well had to come get you" He laughed "For better and for worse as the Muggles say aye" he smiled. Hermione gave out a shriek and lunged herself onto the steering wheel. The car made a hard turn upwards and narrowly avoided being hit by a commercial airliner. "Arh best to watch where we are going" Mr. Weasley said. "These muggles have also mastered flight, I sometimes forget it" he said. Harry let out a sigh and a wish of being sucked into the engines of the massive plane. But the Ford Anglia continued its flight through the dark night.

"Harry, how good it is to see you" Mrs Weasley said and held out her arms waiting for a hug. They all went inside where the entire house had been decorated and a delightful odeur of food filled the house. Harry's stomach growled like never before. "What are we celebrating" he asked. "Well you ofcourse silly" Molly said. Harry rolled his eyes. This was exactly the kind of behavior he hated. Why oh why was he meant to be the next great wizard. The chosen one, it sounded so horribly official and like a title that demanded one to be in the spotlight at all times. They all sat down at the table and started sampling the many different courses. Harry tried to take the most mundane foods as he wasn't in the mood to chase food that wanted to escape the fork. All of a sudden the door to the kitchen opened. Ginny Weasley came in and sat down, her eyes red, she had been crying and it was clear for all to see. Harry caught himself looking at her and then looked at Ron, who was looking at Harry. "Great food" Harry said "Yes indeed" mumbled the Weasley twins, busy filling their heads with food. Ron took his eyes of Harry and had another slice of pie. Harry smiled at Ron, cautiously. Then snuck another peek at Ginny, who was sitting and poking her food around, not really eating any of it. "Well Harry" said Mr Weasley while putting down his fork and knife. Harry looked at him anxiously awaiting a "oh Voldemort died the other day" or "I really want you to become an accountant" but Mr Weasley said nothing of the sort. "We must talk about you know who later on tonight. Its imperative that you know how to behave with him breathing down your neck" Harry let out a sigh. "I've already instructed Hermione and the rest of the family on how to behave. You know who will not stop until he is vanquished" By me of course Harry thought to himself. He looked at the others and leaned back. "Thanks for the delicious food Mrs Weasley" he said. "Yeah mom it was delicious" Ron said. He then motioned for Harry and Hermione to get up. "Thank you, go upstairs and start packing for Hogwarts lads" Mrs Weasley said. They made their way out into the hallway "You go ahead of me" Harry said "I need to ehm.. use the restroom" Ron and Hermione then went upstairs. Harry stormed into the bathroom. He had no idea if he could escape the Weasley's or if it would be a wise move to do so. He then decided to stay put and maybe even go to Hogwarts, yeah he might go to Hogwarts he thought. He stumbled into the hall and into Ginny. She looked at him with a pale smile. "Is something wrong?" he asked her gently. She shook her head "No just tired thats all. I might be coming down with flu or something" Harry let her pass into the bathroom and he went upstairs to Hermione and Ron. "What's the matter with Ginny?" he asked Ron. "She's been moody lately. Her and Dean Thomas have been fighting a lot lately" "since when were they an item?" "Oh I don't know" Ron yawned "I cant keep up with all these love triangles and relationships we see every year" Harry laughed "It seems like something that would be in a rather mediocre novel, but then again what do I care" Ron said jokingly. "All I know is that he is seeing my sister and leaving her a horrible mess every time they fight" Hermione coughed. They all turned their heads to see Ginny standing in the doorway. "I might not be in the most perfect of relationships but at least I got a boyfriend" Ron's face turned a mild red. "Well.. " "NO Ron! I can take care of myself!" she then turned on her heels and walked away. Ron looked at Harry and shrugged "Women aye". Hermione leaned over and smacked him with a book. "Ouch! What did you do that for" He said. "Because I cant put a realization spell on you so instead I must use some rather alternative measures" Harry laughed then looking with longing at the door where Ginny had stood. He shrugged.. Yeah women. Hard to understand but impossible to live without.

And so the days went slowly but steadily as the household readied for the journey to Hogwarts. Harry tried his best to forget where he put certain stuff and successfully managed to throw a bundle of books out the window then buried them in the garden. But to no avail for the Weasley's would take him and Hermione to Diagon Alley for school supplies. Diagon Alley hadn't changed much since first time Harry saw it. After a rather interesting trip to "Weasley's Wizard Wheezes" (where Ron bought some darkness powder) Harry, Hermione and Ron walked past Ollivanders Wand Shop as Hermione stopped and stared "Oh no not Ollivanders, everybody got their first wands here" Ron looked at the door of the abandoned store with excitement then took a glimpse at Hermione who looked shaken. He then saw Harry starring the same way and he quickly went for the door instead of comforting his friend. Harry took his arms around her and comforted her "Its sad but so is life I guess" he said while thinking "HELL YES One down" to himself. "Harry" Ron said from within the store. "Does Draco and mummy look like two people who don't want to be followed" It ran cold down Harry's spine. "Uhm no they don't, lets get back to your mom and get the rest of our supplies. "Oh don't be silly Harry" Hermione said "We have loads of time to do that, yes you are right Ron" Harry cursed the day he was born. This was how it all started. Like an overly anxious horror novel. And now he had to follow Draco, spy on him to find out he was up to no good. It was as if the gods themselves wanted for Harry to live and excitingly dangerous life. "Guys we really should get back. I mean.. I was actually thinking about getting ahead on my studies" he said. Hermione looked at him then laughed "But Harry, you are already miles behind the rest of us" Well I wouldn't be if I stuff would stop happening to me he thought. They then stomped down the alley that seemed darker than all the others "This is how it starts" he mumbled. "What starts Harry?" Ron said... "Nothing.. oh look" Harry pointed at a pile of bricks. "What?" Hermione said. "Oh its nothing sorry I must be a bit jittery" "No something is here" Ron said. Harry looked at him with anger. "What is it" he grunted. "Its a book, its got no title on it" Ron said. Hermione took the book from his hands and flipped the pages. She began muttering words like "interesting, hmm, exciting" and other words that made Potters spider sense tingle. He quickly jumped towards her and took the book "Best we give it to Dumbledore" he said while looking for somewhere to deposit the book but found none. They went further down the corridor to sneak a peak at whatever Draco was doing. While the others looked at Borgin and Burkes (In which Draco and his mother had went) Harry looked again for a place to throw the book. Everywhere he looked he saw pictures with ransom notes for the recent bunch of Death Eaters that escaped the Alcatraz of the wizarding world, Azkaban. "I thought that was impossible" Harry thought then shrugged. Of course it wasn't impossible, had it been impossible he would never had have to worry about it and then what manner of devilry would unveil itself to him this year at Hogwarts. "Listen.. do you ever feel" "like you have a million billion thoughts in your heads and that you cant concentrate amongst the girls?" Ron said. An awkward pause later Harry continued "No do yo... well that to.. uncanny isn't it.. Anyway I just have this feeling like my life is episodic. That every year something new happens, and it becomes more and more dangerous and gloomy with each year!" "No I don't know what you mean" Hermione said "now be quiet Harry we cant hear what they're talking about" "Of course you cant its like 30 meters to the store" but no sooner had he said that then he heard Draco's voice loud and clear. "So its been decided then, I shall not fail" Draco said. "Sounds dire" Hermione said. Harry nodded at this dramatical turn of events.

After a rather desperate try at escaping the Hogwarts Express Harry found himself sitting in the same seat as always reading an issue of the Daily Prophet which had his face on it. The cart came round, but the promise of candy with vomit flavor made him think twice. Ron on the other hand spent all of his money in this manner and surely enough 10 minutes later he sat there spitting outside the window "WWW earwax" he said in between gagging. "Why would anyone think to produce candy with Ear wax flavor?" "What do you mean Harry?" Hermione said cheerfully. "I mean what kind of nutter would think Hmm Earwax flavor is good, ill make bon bon's with that taste" "But Harry... Its magic" "But.." "no buts" Ron said as he sat down again. "It keeps the everyday life exciting Harry" he rolled his eyes. "I just think its kind of stupid" "Don't question everything Harry" Hermione sounded a bit pissy "Just accept that this is how everything is" Harry sat back and looked out the window. Trying his best to not think any thoughts that might lead to a journey of some sorts. Meanwhile Ron was fumbling with a bag, all of a sudden the cart was full of an unnatural darkness. Ron coughed and apologized for his rather inept handling of the darkness powder he had bought from his brothers. "Give that here" Harry said and yanked it from Ron who was still beating the dust off from around him. "Its a dangerous tool" Harry said. "Imagine what kinds of shenanigans we could get into, lets try for a normal school year shall we?" A loud bang was heard on the window to their section. They all looked up as Draco Malfoy and his goons stepped inside. "Arh I see the halfblood have their annual gathering" he said in an arrogant tone of voice "What are you doing here Malfoy" Harry said. The reply was cold "what are YOU doing here Potter" Harry scratched his head at this rather curious exchange of dialogue. Malfoy looked at him with a cold stare. The awkward silence became long and outdrawn until Ron broke it. "Want a bon bon Draco?" he said and offered Malfoy some of his candy. Malfoy spat on the floor and walked off but his two goons pushed the already seated Ron down then stole his candy. A loud eww was heard from the cart up ahead. Hermione and Ron looked at each other and laughed, Harry just sat there silent trying to think of how it would be like to not be on this very train. "Harry" Ron said calmly... "what?" Harry barked. "Nothing.. its just.. what do you think Draco was doing in Borgin and Burkes?" Harry yawned "I don't know Ron, quite frankly I just think he was rummaging around, being weird, I mean he went there with his mother" Ron scratched the pseudo beard he had been trying to grow. "But.. His father is a death eater" Hermione nodded along with Ron's argument. "So?" Harry asked. "What do you mean so.. His father is a death eater, don't you think Draco would be an obvious choice for that position as well?" "What does that even mean, Death Eater, it isn't exactly like they eat their victims" Hermione let out a sigh "What is with you today Harry" Ron looked at Harry with a goofy looking "damn these women" look on his face. Hermione gasped all of a sudden "Harry.. That book you found when we were scouting Borgin and Burkes" Harry tried to remember what he had done with it, but was pretty sure that he had hidden it well. Hermione took her hand down her suitcase. Harry stood up straight and excused himself. He smoothly extended his hands to his luggage and took out his invisibility robe and tucked it into his pocket. "Ill be heading out for a while" "what for?" "Oh leave him be Hermione" Ron interrupted nonchalantly, Hermione turned around and punched him on the shoulder "You git!" she said. "Harry what ar..." the door slammed. Harry was gone. "Quibbler?" a very tiny voice came from behind Harry. He turned around and faced Luna Lovegood. "No thanks I'm good" he said and let her walk by him. He followed her with his eyes until she was gone. "Damn fine huh" Dean Thomas slapped Harry on the shoulder "what?" he said while trying to wake up as if in a daze. "Luna... a bit weird for my taste but damn fine don't you think" Harry didn't know what to say. In all honesty he had never thought of Hogwarts as a place for dating (even though he had had a brief brush with the romantic last year) but something inside him wanted to slap Dean Thomas a high five and talk about cars or something, although he knew nothing about cars. "I eh.. I have to.. do something" Harry said and walked the opposite way of Luna. Dean look at him with a look that suggested something about Harry's sexual preference. After walking around rather upset trying to figure out whether he should punch Dean Thomas in the face for taking Ginny for granted (and be a knight in shining armor) or if he should hurry back to Ron and Hermione, he realized where he was. At the Slytherin part of the train. Harry realized this and turned around, after all some of these Slytherinians weren't particularly fond of him and he knew that being close to Draco would definitely start some sort of adventure chain that would no doubt end in him having to face off against Voldemort, and Harry was very keen on not having to do this. So he turned and grapped his cloak, only to realize that he had not only gotten his coat out but also all of Ron's darkness powder. The entire Slytherin wagon was now covered in darkness. Harry, who was under his invisibility cloak now, decided it would be better to hide in their wagon instead of going back to the others. Therefore he ran into the wagon and crawled in under the seats. He then covered his ears in order to ignore anything "plot-devicey" anyone would say. And so he laid there under the seats, all the way to Hogwarts. Eventually the train stopped, unfortunately Harry had fallen asleep so he knew nothing of his arrival to Hogwarts. If he did he would no doubt hide even better so as to return to London. The train had emptied for all but Draco Malfoy. He was walking back into the wagon to get another case. Harry awoke when he heard it hit the floor. He let out a yawn completely forgetting where he was. Malfoy stopped in what he was doing and took a look around. "Someone here?" he said in a sharp voice. Potter covered his mouth in an effort to remain where he was, unfortunately that meant taking in a mouthful of dust. He coughed and that was all Malfoy needed to here. He turned around, wand in hand, pointing towards where Harry was lying "Petrificus Tottalis" he shouted and Harry became completely paralyzed. "Potter, I thought as much" he said while covering his frozen opponent with the invisibility cloak. Harry couldn't move, but if he could he would thank Malfoy, who left the train with a "have a good trip back to London" he said and stepped on Harry's face. Indeed if this was how the year would end, before it had even started then Harry was very happy indeed. The door opened. He could not see who but assumed that it was Draco coming back for something, or maybe Hagrid checking if anything had been forgotten. He heard a very tiny voice, not befitting for a giant such as Hagrid, unless Hagrid had been to Thailand for some reconstructive surgery. Nevertheless the voice didn't belong to the giantborn, but to Ms. Lovegood. She swung her wand and said something that Harry couldn't make out. The result was rather unsatisfying for Harry as he regained movement. He sat up, weary in his head, looked at Luna who was wearing some rather oddly shaped glasses. He shook his head at her, weird as always. She came over and helped him up. "Imagine if you had been going back to London" she said "Yeah imagine that". Luna turned around and walked out of the train, Harry caught himself looking at her thinking about what Dean Thomas had said. He smiled to himself.

End of the first chapter


End file.
